For the last day to LAST!!!!

My college with the class room sessions are over finally. 1st April was the last day. No more sitting on those desks and stuff. Was pretty cool. We took pictures everywhere. I finally got to see the swimming pool in my college after four years and that was the first thing that the manager guy told me to ‘LURE’ me into the coll. Funny how the girls are never allowed to dip their feet in the water but just the presence of it is supposed to make me choose this coll over the others. Brilliant marketing strategy. Maybe the IIM’s should take note of it.

The last day kinda suddenly entwines everybody in togetherness. You love the ppl whom you have always hated. The teachers are not so bloodhound like, as they have always seemed to be. They are almost sweet, maybe coz they are relieved to know that we are off. But its nice to see them smile at us for once genuinely. But of course they called the gals aside and told us to pin our sarees on the final photo session that we are to have next. Well.. you win some, you lose some.

The trees, the buses, the two dozen monkeys that have visited our class, stolen lunches and pencil pouches, all seem to look different. Or may be I look at it in the very ‘I am going to miss you’ kind of way. I kept smiling all the way. The gals thought somebody asked me out, since I had this stupid smile plastered on my face. The smile was a result of, “Hey!! This is the last time I am seeing you”. I said that to the stairs, the benches, the desks, the board, the dept, the buses. So the smile was perpetual.

I took pics with all the gals. Lots and lots of pics. With the guys a few too. My good friends and the guys I’ve always liked for no reason, but have never really talked to. It felt like we were a huge family. It seemed like we were in this together all long. Of course I’ve known this, but it felt different that day.

I wanted to savour the last ride back home that evening. But I was too tired to stay awake, and I promised myself that the last exam I’ll travel all the way back awake. That is still a month later, so I don’t have to worry about that too much now. I have exactly 8 more days of coll. 3 for the exams, 2 for project, 2 for cat and the last for the photo session. I don’t know if I want these days to fly past me as I had been willing the last four years to, or want time to freeze and stay in this comfort zone forever with ppl I know (not necessarily like) and let things stay the way they are. I know I don’t have a lot of choice on the pace of things but hell.. I can’t stop wondering what I really want.

I just got a beautiful saree for the photo session and its really beautiful. Half cream and half maroon. Really pretty until I saw another similar and more prettier one (much simpler but more expensive). But had to stay with this one coz dad liked this better and he is to pay for it, so no questions asked. We are also planning a farewell for us. This would be at a hotel. Lotsa ppl trying to figure a place out for the event. The budget per head is 400 to 450, for which the only places we get are Harrisons and breeze. My dad can get green park cheaper, but apparently the food is just okaish. So I guess Breeze it is.

There is also this whole new confusion (only among girls of course) on what to wear. Some are getting dresses (I mean the evenin wear kinds). I still haven’t come to the part where I can pull of something of that kind. So will just have to wait for US of A to make me like that. So jeans and t-shirt it is. Though my major desire for now is to drive to the hotel myself and get out of the driver’s seat. Man!!! It’ll be AWESOME. I know, I know, that for this super duper driver, it wouldn’t be a gr8 deal. But bloody I am an amateur and these things more to me than the actual driving. (Psst. I am already dreading the ramp through which I have to drive to the hotel).

All said and done, I still have some unfinished business in coll. Ppl I have to talk to, Things that need to be done and Relations I need to patch up, at least to a, “hows the weather”, kinda conversations to be feasible. With all that done, I’d be only just satisfied with my college life.

Darn it man!! I thought I’d upload a few pics just to make the memories last. But its taking forever. Thanks to my new Canon IXUS 960, 12.1 Mp camera, the files are too large to upload. If you think I am bragging abt my new cam, you bet, my baby, I am. So now, I can point and shoot and keep the pictures and memories all.. to myself. Maybe that’s why dad got this for me. Hmmm!! Some food for thought tonight.

Omana kutti

This is to my friend..

There are so many things I want to tell you. You were the reason I came to this place coz I knew that you’d be there when I needed someone. In the pool of unknown faces, I thought I’d have a face to look at and smile, knowing that the person will smile back. The things we have been through. The years of knowing you, the times we’ve spent together.. I used to live in your house and you in mine. You were my BEST friend. You still are.. I promise.

The laughter ..I swear.. still rings in my ears. The innumerable times we have bunked, The hours we spent on phone talking abt your crushes and mine. How you used to call me when you got a new nail polish and you couldn’t wait to come the next day to show me. I’ll never forget the day you bought a lipstick for me, just coz I liked the smell, with all the money you had, instead of buying the salwar you really liked. I’ll never forget your adaprathaman.

I miss you when I go to lav’s place. I missed the fact that I could tell the whole world that I finally got in the Univ that I wanted to, but I couldn’t tell you. I hated everybody who walked upto you and congratulated you for gettin in CTS, since I couldn’t. I hate the fact that I smile at ppl whose names i barely know, but on seeing you, I have to stop the smile that came on to my face. I hate not being able to call you up and discuss prithvi raj. I hate not being able to call you on ur birthday. I hate it all.

I can’t believe that I let a stupid fight get this far. I am an idiot. If I could do ANYTHING to change the way things are btn you and me I’d do it. But, I tried talking to you, it wasn’t the same. Its been too long. Too long since I lost my mind. Friendship is supposed to be easier to erase than love.. Or so they say. But no!! You helped me get over what I thought was Love, but I couldn’t find anyone who could help me get over you. You were there, through all my tears, you were there. Thank you for that da.

I was too protective of you. I didn’t realise that you were perfectly capable of making your own decisions. I am sorry. I shouldn’t have done what I did. But I could find no other way. Maybe he is a great guy. I would never know now. I just didn’t want you to hurt. May be I was wrong abt him, but my intentions weren’t. Burns had given me a card,” Friendship is like ceramic glass. You can break it and fix it. But the crack will still be visible. It’s like that. Now I can talk to you, but the words we exchanged, the things we did, no matter how hard we try, I guess it won’t go away.

Though we don’t talk anymore, you are still there arnd me. I don’t know how. I talk to you sometimes, all in my head though. All of us miss you. Whatever happened, was btn you and me. So I wish you meet up with all the others. They’d be happy. I’ll miss you when I go. I wish we were still in school. I loved it there. We were inseparable. I sometimes wonder.. what would have happened if we still could talk. I guess I’d have been talking to you now, asking you what I should be blogging abt now.

Since we drifted apart, I made a lot of new friends and all those ppl say that if perphaps we still were talking, then they and I would never have been close. But all these ppl TOGETHER, cannot and will never be able to be the friend you were to me. Was there anything that we didn’t talk abt. I miss Sindhu too, and Aunty and Uncle and Thaatha too. Yours was the house that I first cooked anything at all. Uncle and Aunty were all praises. I can still remember that day.

The first ever night out at priya’s house.. The nick name you got from that day onward.. Angel Girl.. We are never going to get all those back ever. I still check your marks when the results are out, omana kutti. I can’t forget our study sessions b4 the exams. The slap you gave me b4 going inside the exam hall to help me get over something stupid. So many memories, years back they date and yet so fresh in my head..

There is just so much I want to tell you. So many things have happened since we chose to loose contact. But none of that seems to be important now. I somehow still want to revel in the times we had together. I dont have any ego, I would love to get back to being ourselves. But I see that you don’t want to. Its obviously ok. Just as always.. I’ll smile with misty eyes. What I want.. and what is important is that you are happy. I hope all that you have ever wanted, would come true. I love you and always will. I miss you and that too.. I always will.

I don’t even know what purpose this blog has served. I couldn’t tell all this to her, so I guess.. I just chose this medium to write abt it for lets say.. closure. But I don’t know if I got the closure or not. I just have to wait for my next nostalgia bout.