I just don’t know..

This is a lil too much. But still I am feeling a bit nostalgic abt leaving my house. I don’t even know how this thing started. I finally realised why last sem is just 2 days a week. It is a practise to stay away from coll. and I have perfected the art well. Now I wouldn’t miss college at all. Not that I would have if not for this break. But I have like four more days of college and then my last ever CAT, somewhere in between a photo session and IF the lazy bum guys of my class try hard enough a Farewell at a hotel could fit in too.

Missing college is one thing, but I am feeling kinda down knowing that I can’t stay in the house that I’ve lived in for the past 21 years for long. There were so many people who came to visit my grandpa today that all of them kept asking me what I was going to do and once I told them, how I will miss the food, the comfort, my family. Two ppl doin that is ok, but there were atleast 50 ppl who came home today. So it got too suffocating. After all left, I just went into this, unknown mood. Suddenly it was all about, what am I gonna do there alone. I have to cook, clean and study all by myself. For a person well versed at atleast one of this, I guess it wouldn’t be so difficult. But I suck at all three. I mean.. Cook-> I do a gr8 job with processed food, but besides that I haven’t even made boiled rice yet. Clean-> I don’t lay the bed I lie in. Study -> With nothing else to do, I do a good job at this.

But now, I have to care abt all this and more AND study. I am scared if I’d suck at it. But so many ppl do it every year that I guess I wouldn’t be so bad. But, the fear still lingers. I also have these other phobias (obviously stupid) too. All my life I’ve read ONLY pshycotic thrillers. It amazes me how the mind of these guys work. When I think of ice cream, they probably will be thinking of blood. Scary thought.. But the brain is such a complex thing that I like to see how concorted a human can be. These books keep me guessing, so I keep reading them. Due to immesurable quantity that I finally manged to finish, I am now scared to go to US, in fear of being killed by one psycho. Oh!! Did I forget to mention that I am mad. Oh yeah.. I totally am.

My brother coming back from tiruchi is making me feel worse. I am going to miss that idiot so much. My head decided to give in to the pressure I was putting it through and is now aching. I really want to go out somewhere. Going to wait for my cousin to come home and then off I’d go driving, maybe Barrista Blast at bessie.. Hmmm!!! My head is already feeling better. It just mite stop me from thinking abt these trivialities for now. I know that all of this would pass away sometime and hopefully all will be well. But until then I can only keep my fingers crossed and hope all I can and want.

Abstract thoughts on college!!

8th Sem, It is now..

Just abt 4 years ago, when I was doing my 12th.. Even during the intermittent hols I had to ‘prepare’ for my Phy and Chem and Math exams, I thought of how my days in coll would be. At arnd 11/12 pm when I am SERIOUSLY studying, thoughts like this would be more interesting than the Magnetism unit in Physics.

I didn’t know where I’d go, but I knew that there were things that I wanted and didn’t want. like, study anywhere but in Chennai, (PSG was in my mind) and NO electronics. But just the way life always is.. ECE it was.. and rite here in Chennai it was going to be, not PSG. If things that I wanted didn’t turn out that way, then would any of my ‘imagined’ coll life??

My school friends went to various places. And each, when I met later, had a certain characteristic that their coll had given them. Some remained the same. Some became the apparently cool ones. It didn’t matter if they were virtually unknown during school, they transformed into very confident and cool women. Must say I am proud of them. Some changed so much that they were bearly recognisable and didn’t want to be recognised for the ppl they used to be.

My first day of college itself was pretty interesting. I was waiting for a no.36 bus route that didnt exist. Over 4 buses waited for me to get in. But I stood my ground, when all else boarded waiting for my 36. Then at 8 i finally realised that 36 is not going to come and left in my car to coll. reached a little late on my first day of coll itself. And till this day. I am late. Late to the bus stop. Somethings like I say.. Will never change..

So many ppl in my class. It was scary not knowing anyone. Even if you are 18.. the fear was very similar to when you perhaps first went to school. I spoke to the girl near me. Hi, Which school, which dept, Your name, The usual courtesies.. There were a bunch of girls giggling and sitting a few benches infront of me. I hated them for laughing so loudly. The day passed by. Thanks to a very close friend of mine frm school who also went to the same coll. But by the end of the day, I hated College.

A few days went by. Those giggling girls soon became my very good friends. The first semester was perhaps my best ever and nothing after that could ever compare to that. Everything was new. There even was one pt of time where we couldnt wait to go to coll the next day. The scenario soon changed ofcourse.. Where I couldnt wait to get out of coll. To be even more truthful. it almost irritates me to see the first years now so chirpy and so giggly and so jumpy. You can always recognise that kind. Yeah.. they are a kind, with no worries, they wouldnt have encountered any univ. exams or their results, or internal marks which show the wrath of our brilliant profs.

My college gave us the rite to be who we were with minimal interference. There were never any hard and fast rules. We could bunk as much as we wanted and yet get away with just the attendance lag. And yes.. On a comparative basis we were allowed to talk to guys, your parents wouldnt be called for it, But yes your internal marks shall suffer. I remember the innumerable times I have walked with a guy and once I see some teacher walkin towards me, ditched the guy, took a separate route and reached class, with the guy screaming why on earth I just ditched him.

Nobody ever forces us to study. You study iff you want to. Being here you will get to know how much of self restrain and intent to study you possess. In fact, the guys with the arrears were called kings and nobody appreciates the guy who got the highest percent. Weird coll I belong to!!

College teaches you things. Though I always thought that I knew everything coll said otherwise. School always had ppl who were just the same. Very similar. All of us agreed on the same things.. liked the same stuff. But coll had ppl who were much MUCH different. There was a guy who had some country’s flag on his beard. He had shaved it that way. One guy had coloured his hair red(cherry red!!) for a week. People were THAT different.

LOVE!! Fresh from school you are taught never to fall in love. NEVER!! EVER!! It is a Law. Once you go to coll those rules dont apply. I dont understand how 2 months of holidays (the transit period from school to coll) can nullify that law. None think twice to put that law OUT of working as soon as possible. The major talk was and is always abt who is with who. But the funny thing is.. Not ONE.. mark it!! NOT ONE.. person is still with the person whom they were with in the first year. Not that I complain. Its jus funny how these ppl used to discuss the names of the kids they would have soon when they were together.

My coll.. Hmmm!! Blue buses..lots of em.. trees will yellow flowers.. touch me nots.. pink blossoms..soooo much of green grass.. and the thing I don’t like much..

Grey buildings. I hate the colour Grey. But all the buildings in my college are of the same monotonous grey. You’ll find lots of places to laze arnd or study.. But just nobody to do the studying though..except for our CATs (Continuous Assessment Test). And the test, trust me, is none of the mentioned. It is not Continuous, and it sure as hell does not assess anything as they give us the question papers b4 hand. Test.. Well.. They dont test us on anything. Guys write down everything on the desk, jeans and sometimes.. if they get the answer sheets b4hand.. then on that too. So what I sit and write for 1 hr and 15 mins. these guys finish in 10 min, coz they’d written it even b4 the ‘test’ had begun.. and no!! Nobody gets caught!!

The classes were pretty boring. The canteen worse. Full vegetarian stuff that I hate. But nothing could beat the Sambhar and Vada out there. Its the awesome-est. The one reason which helped me through my four years of monotony. My Dr.Jekyll and Mr.Hyde lab mates.

I’ve come a long way. From my first bus journey. where I thought I’ll have the next 4 yrs to see the route. (I still have’t been awake ‘once’ to see the route) to now. 4 long years. Again.. There was a pt of time where my coll felt like a maze. I couldnt find my way to any dpt. Now I know it like the back of my hand.. soon its all gonna be over and I’ll perhaps never go back to seeing the place again. Do I feel nostalgic abt this whole ‘leaving’? I don’t know really.

I have been an optimist all my life. Very truthfully. But college changed me in the sense.. I hated everything abt coll the whole way thru.. the wakin at 7, The fake ppl, The distant place, the judging profs, the bloody hell long travel, I got but few, good experiences. College sure wasn’t the way I had imagined it to be, when I was 18 and preparing for the boards. In fact, College was horrible. BUT… if given a chance to go back and change anything at all..I wouldn’t.. Nothing at all!!